Woman, Know Your Place!

Moses’ sister, Miriam, criticizes Moses for marrying an Ethiopian, something God disapproved of and was contrary to Jewish custom, but even though she was in the right, God punishes Miriam, not Moses, by making her a leper.

God Hates A Complainer

Num 14 – Because the Jews weren’t thrilled with the idea of moving to Canaan, God was furious (what’s new) and cursed the entire congregation (even those who had not complained. God, being fair as usual) to wander one year for each of the 40 days (40 years) Moses’ spies had spent on the scouting expedition.

What About If You PLAY Pick Up Sticks?

Num 15:35, 36 – A man who picks up sticks on the Sabbath is stoned to death for this as commanded by God.

Were These ‘Alternate’ Laws Written Down Anywhere?

Num 16:32, 35 – For the horrible crime of challenging the authority of Moses, God murders the wives & children of the two princes who dared to do so. I’ve read the Ten Commandments, I don’t recall seeing anything about not challenging Moses’ authority.

Isn’t This An Example Of Moses Defying God’s Will?

Num 21:5-9 – After complaining about the lack of bread and water and sick of manna, God sends fiery serpents to bite the Jews & many die as a result. Does God decide to stop them? No. Instead, Moses has to use Old Testament magic & fasten a brass serpent to a pole & whoever sees it will be cured.

God Rewards Those Who Kill The Best

Nice Work! A man murders the son of an Israelite prince and a Midianite (Gentile) princess by ramming a Javelin through them. God is very pleased by this, declaring, “Behold I give unto him my covenant of peace … because he was zealous for his God.” Num 25:8, 13

Exactly What Quantity Of Blood Is Required To Please God?

In order to please God’s bloodlust, during the dedication of the Temple at Jerusalem, Solomon slaughters 22,000 oxen & 120,000 sheep. I Kings 8:63, 64. Is that the exact number God needed to be happy or could the slaughter have stopped at ten?

Justice, Followed By Injustice

Josh 7:24-26 – During the battle of Jericho, Achan, a Jewish warrior, secretly takes some spoil for himself. This is clearly wrong and he is justly punished by being stoned to death. Oh, and so is ALL HIS FAMILY! And then an altar is built over their bodies.

Nice Save!! NOW DIE!!!!!!

II Sam 6:6, 7 – When the Ark of the Covenant was dipping over, Uzzah stops it by grabbing a hold of it. He is rewarded by God instantly killing him. Even David is not thrilled by God’s behavior here.

And David Is God’s Favorite!

II Sam 12:11-14 – To punish David for fucking Bathsheba, God says he will give David’s wives (women have no say) to David’s neighbor and will kill David and Bathsheba’s child (the innocent are always the ones to receive God’s ‘justice’). How many people suffer because of the poor behavior of God’s chosen?

More Innocents To Suffer

II Sam 21 – Because Saul killed some Gibeonites, God brings three years of famine upon his chosen people (whom he clearly loves to torment). The famine is finally ended only when David gives seven sons (who weren’t involved) of Saul to the Gibeonites to be hanged up (killed) unto the Lord.

How Dare You Take A Census!

II Sam 24 – When David commits the horrible sin of taking a census, God is furious and gives David the choice of one of three punishments. David, of course, chooses the one that will have the most negative impact on the most people.

More Innocents Must Die

I Kings 20:42 – “Thus saith the Lord; Because thou hast let go out of thy hand a man (king of Syria) whom I appointed to utter destruction, therefore shall thy life go for his life, and thy people for his people.” Again, more innocent people punished for another’s sin, and in this instance, those that benefit the most are those who are opposed to and do not worship God.

God LOOOVES Children … To Slaughter!

II Kings 2:23, 24 – Because some (42) children tease him about his bald head, Elisha curses them and calls upon God to punish them for this horrible sin. God obliges and sends two she bears to tear the children to bits.

To Er Is Human

Jacob’s grandson Er is so hated by God that, “Er was evil in the sight of the Lord and he slew him.” I Chron 2:3. God then kills Er’s brother, Oman. Not because he was evil as well, but because Oman refused to fuck Er’s widow. Gen 38: 7, 9, 10.

The Inspiring Story Of Job

In order to prove Job’s loyalty, which Satan has questioned, God torments Job with numerous horrible tests, a few of which are the deaths of his servants (innocents), his children (more innocents), the loss of his wealth and his health. Job 1, 2. This story is supposed to be inspiring? I’m sorry but a god that would torture someone like this simply to win a bet with another god is not worthy of worship.

Why Does Your God SOOOO Love To Punish The Innocent?

If one doesn’t obey the Mosaic Law they will be cursed by God and that curse shall “…be upon thy seed forever.” Deut. 28:46. Again with the punishment of those who did no wrong.

Who needs Zoloft, I’ll just go kill some kids

Psalms 137:9 – “Happy shall be he that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.” The ‘little ones’ are the children of Babylon. The words are Gods.

God Encourages Rape & Infanticide

Isaiah 13:15, 16 – “Everyone that is fouled shall be thrust through and everyone that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword. Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished.” So according to the Lord, in certain circumstances, children deserve to be murdered and women deserve to be raped.

Hmmmm, A Spanking Or Thrust Through With The Sword?

Zech 13:3 – “… and his father and his mother … shall thrust him through when he prophesieth.” According to God, a parent should murder their own children if they speak of any other religion.

Again, What Merciful God?

Deut 7:1, 2 – God has his Jews invade and conquer the seven nations of Canaan, saying, “…And when the Lord thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant (peace) with them, nor show mercy unto them.” Merciful God? What Bible are they reading?

Just what part of No Other God Before Me did you not understand?

Ex 32:27 –  The punishment for those who worshiped the golden calf, “Take every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and  every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.” So if your neighbor worships a god other than the Christian God, you can be killed for their ‘sins’?

You Want Me To Worship This Guy For What Reason Again?

Num 16:1-40 – This section depicts both how fallible God is and how ‘merciful’. A couple of Levite Princes challenge Moses’ leadership and God gets very upset by this and wants to murder the entire congregation. Moses, however, points out to God the injustice of this course of action. Astonishingly, the infallible Almighty sees his error and concedes to Moses’ logic. So instead, God the Merciful, buries alive the wives, sons and ‘little children’ (once again, all innocents) of the two princes and sends a fire to consume the remaining princes. What in the world was God’s original punishment going to be? Thank God Moses talked him out of it. OH, in response to these horrible killings by God, a large number of Jews rebel, so God sends a plague (his favorite weapon) to wipe them out. Num 16:41-49.

Don’t Forget To Slaughter The Little Ones

Moses sums up the slaughter of the Amorites, under God’s order, “We … utterly destroyed the men and the women and the little ones.” Num 21:25 and Deut 2:34. God nearly has as many women and children killed as men.

Ahhhhhh, Will You Look At That Sunrise

Num 25:4-9 – God’s instructions to his favorite hit man, Moses, about the 24,000 Israelites (God’s chosen people) who were worshipers of Baal and co-habited with Moabite women, “And the Lord said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the Lord against the sun…”

Good Guess, Now Die!

After some Philistines guess Samson’s riddle, the spirit of the Lord came upon him and he killed 30 of them. Judges 14:19.

The Innocent Always Suffer

A few people glance into the Ark of the Covenant as it happens by and God kills 50,070 (innocent) people as punishment. I Sam 6:19. This is just one of many examples where God punishes the innocent, the blameless, the wives and children, instead of those actually guilty.

Maybe Bottle Feeding Would Be Preferable.

God’s orders, “Slay both man and woman, infant and suckling…” I Sam 15:3, 7.

LAME!

II Sam 5:6, 7, 8 – “…and smiteth the Jebusites, and the lame and the blind…” Is anyone more comparable to Hitler than God?

A Merciful God?

I Sam 27:8, 9 – “…leaving neither man nor woman alive.” Never spares the women, who are usually innocent as they aren’t warriors or kings.

Way To Satisfy Your Bloodlust, God

I Kings 20:28, 29, 30 – After the children of Israel slaughter 100,000 Syrian footmen, God personally kills the remaining 27,000 by causing a wall to fall onto them. High five God! Nice assist!

God Loves Killing Children

II Kings 9:8 and II Kings 1:1-11 – God calls for the 70 children of King Ahab of Israel to be destroyed. Their heads are put into baskets at the gates of the city.

More Dead Children

II Kings 10:12-17, 30 – More children killed by God or in God’s name, this time the 42 children of King Judah.

In God’s Own Words: I Am Not Perfect

Ex 20:5 – “…for I am a jealous God visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children.” Jealousy is an imperfect, emotional response. How then does God possess such a flaw?

Adam, Eve, David, Moses, Don’t Expect To Meet Them In Heaven

Paul states that Adam, God’s first human, is not in heaven! He claims Adam’s death was an eternal death. The promise of eternal life can only come with belief in Jesus Christ. Peter agreed with this. Paul also stated that those that lived between Moses and Christ aren’t eligible for everlasting life.

God Is Such A DIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!

Hebrews 3:10, 11 – Paul, speaking for God, about the Jews who escaped Egypt. “Wherefore I was grieved with that generation and said, they do always err in their heart, and they have not known my ways. So I swear in my wrath, they shall not enter into my rest.” No heaven for you!

No Heaven For You, David!

Acts 2:34 – “For David (God’s chosen) is not ascended into the heavens.”

Great Guy, Horrible Father

When the men of Sodom demand Lot send out two angels they believe he is housing (because that was such a common occurrence back then), Lot refuses (so brave) but does offer the men his two virgin daughters instead. Are these the same daughters that sleep with their loving father after the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah? Gen 19:8 – “Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes….” Remember, this is the Lot who is later deemed by God as the only man worthy of sparing the horrors that are soon to befall the populace of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Occam’s Razor (look it up)

Women in the bible are often depicted as being barren but strangely men are never sterile. An act of God is often used to cure the women of their barren wombs. Doesn’t it seem a little more plausible that the men were the ones that were infertile and couldn’t get their wives pregnant, but when the women got pregnant by another man they concocted some story to explain it?

A Shame Women Have To Be Mentioned At All

Women are often times nameless. They are just the woman, or so and so’s wife, or so and so’s mother. I’m sure it begrudged the writers of the bible to mention them at all.

Are all women in the bible barren?

 Judges 13:3 – Describes Samson’s mother (another nameless woman) as being barren. But an Angel of the Lord, or the Lord himself, comes to her and she conceives. For some odd reason her husband, when he meets this angel, doesn’t recognize it as an angel. He just sees a man.

Another Barren Woman

I Sam. 2:21 – “And the Lord visited Hannah, so that she conceived, and bare three sons and two daughters.” Hannah was barren until the Lord ‘visited’ her. And just how many times did the Lord ‘visit’ Hannah (three sons and two daughters)?

Do Women Even Count?

Whenever a group or multitude is counted or one of the frequent censuses taken, the total announced in the bible is always the tally of the men, “…besides the women and children.”

Women: Fodder For God’s Punishments

Women are often used by God as punishment for those God does not favor. “Therefore I will give their wives unto others.” Jer 8:10. “And the city shall be taken and the women ravished.” Zech. 14:2.

Good To Know

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman.” Prov. 25:24

Wives, Submit To Your Husbands

Eph. 5:22, 24 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: …. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Women: Created By God To Serve Man

I Cor. 11 – “A Man is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man: for neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ: and the head of the woman is the man: and the head of Christ is God.” These are more of the woman hater Paul’s words.

No Equality As Long As Religion Exists

I Tim. 2:11, 12 – “Let a woman learn in quietness with all subjection. But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness.” These are more of the woman hater Paul’s words. Do women really expect any better treatment in heaven?

Rape As A Reward

Num. 31:15-18 Moses’ words – “…kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.”

Rape Anyone!

Moses sends all the Jewish forces back to finish off all the male children & women of Midiam but saves the girl babies and virgins. Considering how little worth women had at the time I wonder what the intention was. Rape anyone!

It’s All About Sex

Solomon whiles away his time with 700 wives and 300 concubines. I Kings 11:3. Are we supposed to believe that the reason for all these wives and concubines wasn’t sex? King Rehoboam has 18 wives and 60 concubines, 28 sons and 60 daughters. II Chron. 11:21. King Abijah has 14 wives, 22 sons, 16 daughters. II Chron. 13:21.

Kinky!

According to the bible, infidelity is ok for certain people on certain occasions. Many men in the bible have multiple wives and many concubines. Sarah, Abraham’s wife, who is barren, gives her maid Hagar to her husband so they might have a son (Ishmael). Gen 16:1-4.

Incest is the Best

There are nineteen specific cases of incest in the bible, not counting necessary shenanigans of Cain and Seth and starting with Abraham’s marriage to his half sister Sarai. David’s son, Amnon, pretends to be ill so his sister, Tamar, will tend to him and he can make a move on her. And this is following the advice of a friend (II Sam. 13). And don’t forget that Lot’s two virgin daughters get him drunk in order to have sex with him in order to produce an heir. Gen 19:32, 36 “Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.” This is neither punished nor even referred to in a disapproving manner. Gen. 38 describes the events of Judah’s daughter in law Tamar, who pretends to be a harlot to have sex with him. She conceives twins.

SLUT!

II Sam. 13 – David’s son Amnon has desires for his sister, Tamar. His friend suggests he act sick and have her treat him so he can make a move on her. Amnon follows this advice and ends up raping Tamar. Afterward he hates her and sends her away.

Women Were Valued For Only One Thing

Women were expected to have only one sexual partner in life whereas men could have plural marriage and concubines.

If God Wants You To F**K Someone, You Do It!

Gen. 38 – Onan refuses to have sex with his dead brother’s widow, so God kills him. ALWAYS screw who God asks you to, dummy.

How Dare You Allow Yourselves To Be Used For Sex!

When David’s son, Absalom, sexually uses David’s concubines (the nerve!), David punishes the concubines by imprisoning them for life. II Sam. 16:22 and 20:3.

You Know, You’re Not As Hot As I Thought

Deut. 22:21 – If after consummating the wedding night, the groom were to go to the brides parents & claim she was not a virgin and the parents were unable to produce evidence (blood stained sheets) to dispute his claim, the bride must be brought to the door of her father’s house, “…and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.” How many men, who unhappy with the choice of a wife, made this claim to free themselves from an unwanted marriage?

As Usual, In Religion It’s All About The Sex

Deut. 21:11-14 – Describes how the conqueror should take women amongst the captives to have sex with and if they don’t want to stay with you after, to send them on their way.

“And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and thou hast a desire unto her, and wouldest take her to thee to wife; then thou shalt bring her home to thy house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; and she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thy house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not deal with her as a slave, because thou hast humbled her.”

Where would a captive, divorced, possibly widowed ‘slave wife’, no longer a virgin if she was before, go exactly? Where would she be welcome?

Make Some Noise Ladies! Or Die!

Deut. 22:23, 24 – States that if a betrothed virgin is raped in the city and is not heard to cry out, she shall be stoned to death.

All Sex Is Unclean

Under Mosaic Law sexual relations are unclean. Paul was especially against the sex act, “…it is good for a man not to touch a woman … I say therefore to the unmarried and widows; It is good for them, if they abide even as I … Now, concerning virgins … I say it is good for a man so to be … Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife..” I Cor. 7

It’s Understandable why he would think that sex was unclean, just think about how rarely anyone bathed back then. Yuk! I agree with Paul.

NOAH AND THE ARK

The Bible is “what fools have written, what imbeciles command, what rogues teach.” – Voltaire

Luck They All Had Such Good Taste In Women

God so despised (so much for ‘good’) the offspring of the first nine generations of his creation he decided to not only kill them all (why bother with trying to save them?) but to kill every other living thing upon the face of the earth! No exception was made for children, pregnant women or even babies. Only Noah, his three sons and their four wives were spared. How convenient that Noah and his sons had such perfect taste in women.

Did God Cause The Worlds First Abortions?

In the time it took Noah to gather up all the animals (7 of every ‘clean’ beast & 2 of every ‘unclean’ beast & 7 of every fowl of both sexes (14 each) , and a male & female of every ‘creeping thing’) and construct the ark (even working with his sons and the wives it would have taken years), how many women became pregnant? How many gave birth? How many babies did God murder with the flood?

No Concern For Friends And Loved Ones?

How is it neither Noah, his sons, nor their wives were at all concerned about worshiping and blindly obeying a God (really Noah as he was the only one in direct communication) who was determined to kill all their friends and family? Did they all really believe everyone they knew deserved to be murdered?

Where’s A Sears When You Need One?

The tools required to build such a large vessel (100+ times larger than any built at the time) didn’t exist at the time.

Simply Not Enough Trees For Such A Vessel

The lumber required to build such a large vessel (500ft long, 85ft wide, 60ft & 3 stories high) wasn’t readily available & would have been VERY expensive. Gen 6:15 – “…The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.” The size is the equivalent of 522 standard stock cars or 8 freight trains of 65 cars each. Did they have the lumber imported from the Great Northwest?

Origin of the Species

How did all these species of animals migrate across numerous foreign continents in their return home after the flood and yet leave no trace behind? The fossil record should basically show that all species, at some point, originated wherever the Ark landed (Turkey).

And Two of Every Parasite

How did Noah keep the birds from eating all the insects? And what about the parasites they (and the other animals) carried? Do those count for the two of each living thing?

The Crew of The Ark

It would have been impossible for Noah, his wife, his three sons and their three wives, (8 people total) to both crew the vessel and care for and feed and clean up after all the animals.

Did God Provide The Blue Prints Too?

Only an expert ship builder could hope to construct a vessel never before imagined and hope to make it sea worthy.

The Big Question

Why all the trouble? Again, why didn’t God just snap his almighty fingers and poof there is the ark and snap all the animals are on board? Did he want to sit and stew in his anger while Noah and his sons attempted to obey his command. And better yet, why not just snap his almighty fingers and all the bad people just drop dead or disappear in a puff of smoke? Why the need to kill every living thing?

Pity The Fool Who Had To Wrangle The Brown Recluse

Insects must have been included (creeping things maybe) in the to be saved list, otherwise the majority would have drowned.

No Room For Fish?

Were all fish excluded? What happened to the fresh water fish when the seas rose and mixed with their water? And vice versa? Ever try mixing a fresh and salt water aquarium together?

The Story of Noah’s Ark (Or How To Guarantee The Extinction of All Life)

As any zoologist will tell you, a male and female of any species aren’t necessarily compatible as mates and there is no guarantee if they were that they could produce an offspring.

The Big Question (AGAIN)

And in case any believer suggests at any point that God interfered in order to guarantee his plan worked out (i.e. all animals mated and produced offspring, never attacked one another, no sickness on board) I again ask why not just snap his almighty fingers and make all the offending humans fall dead? I mean if he is going to use his infinite powers to take part in the great plan, why not that?

Such A Drama Queen!

How many ‘clean’ or ‘unclean’ beasts are carnivores? How about the 14 of each fowl? And the creeping things? How many extra animals were brought on board to feed them? Or did God once again conveniently interfere to make the lions herbivores for the duration of the voyage? And if God is going to interfere at all, why not just strike down all those who truly deserved to die instead of murdering the whole world?

Just How Long After The Flood Were Lions Vegans?

And what about after the voyage? What did all the carnivores eat then? How many generations of animals would have to be born before they could all safely start preying on one another again?

Glad God Picked You, Noah

Noah, one of only 8 people on earth God deems worthy of sparing his wrath, at one point lies about naked and is spied on by his son, Ham. He gets drunk from wine of his own vineyard. How long does it take to get a vineyard going? How much priority was given to creating wine when they needed to repopulate and regrow the entire world? Gen. 9

After the Flood, Only Death and Disease

After the waters receded the whole of the earth would have been covered in rot and death. Disease would have been unavoidable.

Pork Too?

After the flood, of the few remaining animals left on earth, God tells Noah, “…every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you.” Gen. 9:3 How quickly would each species become extinct if such an occurrence had actually taken place? And what happened to kosher?

MISC

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” – Blaise Pascal

Where Do I Sign Up?

Human beings are warned to judge no one, cast no stones (unless it is to kill your slut daughter or stubborn son), love thy neighbors as themselves, forgive totally, and exact no retribution. Yet the same God actually keeps score and looks (with what sometimes seems to be relish) to a final day of reckoning when all his enemies shall meet with their just deserts. And he grants forgiveness during human lifetime only if it is begged for.

Most Ridiculous Story Ever

God tells a seer named Balaam to go join the king of Moab. Balaam hops onto his faithful donkey and heads out, eager to obey a command from the Almighty. During Balaam’s journey God changes his mind. But for some reason he doesn’t speak to Balaam to inform him of this fact. Instead, an Angel is sent down to stop Balaam from reaching Moab. The Angel stands in Balaam’s path but does not make itself visible to Balaam. The Angel is going to slay Balaam if he continues (!). The donkey, however, can see the Angel and refuses to continue. Balaam, angry at the stubborn animal, begins to beat the donkey to get it to move. At this point God decides to begin talking to Balaam again, only he decides to speak through the donkey. Cause God’s so silly that way. Balaam, not understanding it is God he is actually speaking to, has a conversation with his donkey. Because that’s normal. Finally God reveals the Angel blocking Balaam’s path. And after all this, God sends Balaam to continue on to Moab anyway. Num. 22:13-36. This is one of the most inexplicable stories in the bible.

Most Ridiculous Story Ever – II

In Ez. 4, 5 God tells Ezekiel to lie on his left side (to bear the sins of Israel) for 390 days and on his right side for 40 days. God will bind him so he can’t turn over. Anyone who lies in one position for even 30 days would have such bad bed sores they would surely lead to their deaths. Also, God tells Ezekiel he is to bake his bread (while lying on his side) using man’s dung for fuel. Another example of God being influenced by man as Ezekiel protests, and God changes his mind, saying he can use cow dung instead. God continues ordering Ezekiel to cut his hair and beard, weigh it, burn 1/3 in the midst of the city (while still bound and lying on his side?), smite 1/3 with a knife and scatter 1/3 in the winds. He is also told to keep a few strands and keep them in his skirt, then remove them and burn them.

Most Ridiculous Story Ever – III

Jonah, a prophet, doesn’t want to go to Nineveh as God has ordered. So he hides on a boat (kind with oars) belonging to some Gentiles. Remember, he’s hiding from God. God sends a terrible storm against the boat (because that’s easier than just dealing with Jonah directly) but Jonah is sleep and the storm doesn’t wake him (!). The Gentiles on board pray to their gods and cast lots (to which god, Baal?) and discover that Jonah’s presence on board is the cause of the storm. First – How do you cast lots on board a ship being pitched back and forth during a terrible storm? Second – Which god informed the Gentiles that Jonah was the cause of the storm? Certainly not the Christian god who had nothing but contempt for Gentiles. Finally the Gentiles toss Jonah overboard. A ‘great fish’ swallows him. This is clearly some type of whale but very few are capable of taking in something as large as a human. Jonah spends three days and nights in the whale’s belly, and yet the gasses and acid and lack of oxygen doesn’t kill him. Eventually, after many prayers, God compels the whale to vomit Jonah up onto the beach. Jonah 1, 2.

Most Ridiculous Story Ever – IV

Judges 19 & 20 depicts the story of some Israelite men who demand that a male house guest be brought out to them for sexual perversion acts. The host offers to send out his maiden daughter and his guest’s concubine instead. The Israelites refuse the offer and insist upon the guest, but the concubine is pushed out the door. She is abused all night long and found dead on the doorstep the next morning. Angry, her master takes her body home, cuts it into twelve pieces and sends one piece to each of the tribes of Israel. As a result, there is a civil war in Israel, and 65,100 on both side die in battle.

Most Ridiculous Story Ever – V

Judges 21 shows when the tribes of Benjamin need wives, the Israelites attack one of their own tribes that fails to come to an assembly, and they proceed to kill men and women but take 400 virgins (how do they check?) and bring them to a camp at Shiloh, where they give the girls to the Benjamites. More are needed, however, so prayer is offered to God for help. Then the Benjamites lie in wait at a feast of the Lord (in a vineyard) and capture the daughters of Shiloh as they come out to dance.

God Was Not A Vegan

Jeremiah 7:21 – “Thus saith the Lord, Put your burnt offerings unto your sacrifices, and eat flesh.”

Lot: Great Guy, Horrible Father

When the men of Sodom demand Lot send out two angels they believe he is housing (because that was such a common occurrence back then), Lot refuses (so brave) but does offer the men his two virgin daughters instead. Are these the same daughters that sleep with their loving father after the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah? Gen 19:8 – “Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes….” Remember, this is the Lot who is later deemed by God as the only man worthy of sparing the horrors that are soon to befall the populace of Sodom and Gomorrah.

So Why Do Christians Only Believe In One God?

Clearly the writers of the bible believed in other magics and other gods actually existing as throughout the bible are soothsayers, seers, wizards, witches, prophets, false prophets, diviners, sorcerers, necromancers, sons of prophets who make predictions using musical instruments and animal entrails, people who cast lots to determine choice and guilt, etc. Don’t forget Pharaoh’s own wise men and sorcerers turned their rods into serpents too.

FYI: New and Old Testament Represent Different Religions

The Dead Sea Scrolls make no reference to the New Testament, Jesus or Christianity.

Are Adam and Eve in hell?

Paul clearly states that all who lived before Christ are denied eternal life. What does this mean exactly?

Paul: The Most Detestable of ALL (Cont.)

Paul also says, “…let every unbeliever be accursed.”

The Clergy Should Be Serving, Not Governing

As long as the bible is left to the clergy, they will make of it what they will.

It’s God’s Will That I Drive a BMW

It is possible to pull out justification for imposing your will on others, simply by calling your will God’s will.

God Loves A Good Curse Word

The word curse and its various forms appear 205 times in the bible. The last word of the Old Testament is curse. Malachi 4:6 – “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”

Just A Coincidence, I’m Sure

In Samaria, a god that post dated Jesus was said to have risen from the dead every three days.

No Different Than Any Other Religion

Christianity, much like all the other religions of the past, is simply a community of people linked by the fearful need to appease a vindictive god.

Prove that I’m wrong

The bible and its gods were the products of folktales and invention all mixed up with a dash of history and seasoned with vast quantities of superstition.